Literature Review Assignment
- I did a peer review to my classmate Cory Hibbert
- I did not receive one
- Here’s the one I did ^:
PEER REVIEW FEEDBACK FORM
Task Orientation
Does the essay follow the task? How do you know this?
The task is to research a topic in depth and be organized and able to inform what you have learned and what difference it makes to society. The task has been meant, the research is on daily protein.
Structure
Locate the thesis- and say it in your own words to be sure you understood it.
Now find the topic sentences. Does each topic sentences sum up or introduce its paragraph effectively?
Thesis is outlined as topic, claim and reasons. I was a bit lost i know the topic is daily protein but the claim is, it depends on the person? And your main reason is Guoyao Wu experience/research?
“Guoyao Wu contends in a paper published in the journal Food and Function that the quantity of protein required by people for hypertrophy depends on the intensity of the exercises they perform. ”
Support and analysis
Is the evidence being used for any and all statement made? Does the author introduce, anayze and explain the evidence? Whats the strongest piece of evidence?
Yes I do believe the evidence is backing up the claim. Yet I see a repetition on Guayao Wu experience then more sources.
Organization
Does the paper read smoothly? Are the seem out of place or confusing ?
It's a bit confusing but that's mainly because I was just lost in finding the thesis at the beginning . As well there's more pages missing so the writing is not finished or revised.
Clarity
Write what you consider
The clearest sentence
“This should apply to growing children as well as people who are athletes and non-athletes. Even though they consume the same amount of total protein each day, healthy adults who equally distribute their protein consumption across breakfast, lunch, and supper experience a 25% higher rate of skeletal-muscle protein synthesis. This is a poignant issue because we would assume that simply consuming the recommended daily amount would be sufficient. ”
The most confusing sentence
“I disagree with Stokes et al.'s assertion that 1.6g/kg body mass per day is ideal because it ignores the fact that different people will exert themselves in the gym in different ways. Guoyao believes that a range of foods would be preferable.”
Proofreading
Note here any suggested changes in wording, grammar, punctuation or spelling
* Don’t end in facts in the closing sentence
* As well in the intro should be background info instead of straight away facts
* Clear up thesis
Overall
What single change would make the most improvement in this essay?
Clear thesis
Research Paper Assignment
- Again didn’t receive a Peer review for my rough draft
- I did a peer review to my classmate, Walter Ferrer
- Here’s the one I did ^:
Tania Margarito - PEER REVIEW FEEDBACK FORM
Task Orientation
Does the essay follow the task? How do you know this?
The task is to research a topic in depth and be organized and able to inform what you have learned and what difference it makes to society. The task has been ment, the research is on food desert.
Structure
Locate the thesis- and say it in your own words to be sure you understood it.
Now find the topic sentences. Does each topic sentences sum up or introduce its paragraph effectively?
Thesis is outlined as topic, claim and reasons. The topic is on food desert, delis products. The claim is that its important to get eductaed that this is all in a negative loop of unhealthy concumption, targeted to low income areas, and what can the society be if it wqas changed for the better. Although theres to many facts in the intro that can be summarized and later brought up in detailed in the body paragraph
“Junk food has been proven to cause a huge increase in dopamine production in the brain. Thus, causing us to go back for more. People living in low-income communities are in a way trapped in these communities because the food that they are eating causes them to become unhealthy and can directly affect their income. The lack of supermarkets causes low-income communities to stay under the
poverty line.”
Support and analysis
Is the evidence being used for any and all statement made? Does the author introduce, anayze and explain the evidence? Whats the strongest piece of evidence?
Yes I do believe the evidence is backing up the claim. Yet I see a repetition on Guayao Wu experience then more sources.
Organization
Does the paper read smoothly? Are the seem out of place or confusing ?
Understood the writing, easy to follow through. Grammar and outlined should be revised, unfinished but its in the right path. Cite work, work cited page misisng.
Clarity
Write what you consider
The clearest sentence
“With low-income Americans being controlled by the food they eat; they don’t understand
the impact processed food has on the body and it's not only low-income households. Today, the
United States of America is experiencing an obesity epidemic that is affecting majority of the
population. To understand how much obesity affects our population, Howlett E did some
statistical research in 2020 and discovered that “Worldwide, 43 million preschool-aged children,
those under the age of five, are overweight or obese; by 2020, 9 % or 60 million preschool-aged
children will be overweight or obese” (De Onis et al. 2010). ”
The most confusing sentence
“Not only does obesity damage someone’s physical health, but it can also damage
someone’s social status which keeps low-income families in poverty. In 2018, Tae Jun Kim and
Olaf von dem Knesebeck wanted to see if there were any correlations between low income and
obesity rate. To figure out the correlation, Kim and Knesebeck decided to look through multiple
articles from USA, UK and Canada.”
Proofreading
Note here any suggested changes in wording, grammar, punctuation or spelling
*conlcusion should be added
*work cited page
*work on most intro sentences
*intro should be background info instead of straight away facts
*Clear up thesis a bit more
Overall
What single change would make the most improvement in this essay?
revision on grammar and outline (for example spaces on a new paragraphs
